Archive for April 23, 2008

…five love languages…

Posted: April 23, 2008 in Uncategorized

Soos baie (lees “die meeste”) huwelike is my huwelik by verre ook nie perfek nie! Ek en Liefie het ons “high’s” en so nou en dan ‘n paar “extra low’s”, en ons kon na 2 jaar en 5 maande se getroude lewe en 11 jaar se saamwees nog nie die regte resep vind om alles “grotendeels” klopdisselboom te laat verloop nie! Ons is gelukkig nie “bekgeveg” mense nie – maar soms kan stilte ‘n verhouding doodmaak!  Ons persoonlikhede verskil ongelooflik baie en vir ons gaan dit ook maar op die ou end oor “give and take”, met ‘n stywe dosis compromise waar nodig! 

Glo my, ek het al ‘n paar keer oorweeg om eerder die handdoek in te gooi – want dis makliker – makliker om eerder op te gee as wat dit is om jou trots in jou sak te steek en jou alles in te sit om dinge uit te sorteer en ons huwelik te MAAK werk!

Ek het ‘n tydjie terug ontdek dis nie regtig makliker om handdoek in te gooi nie!! Dit was wel makliker om die blaam te verskuif na hom en my eie foute mis te kyk! Ek het so ‘n bietjie selfondersoek gaan doen, en ook professionele hulp gekry – en vandag kyk ek nie ‘n oomblik terug nie! Dis die beste ding wat ek OOIT vir ons huwelik kon doen!  Ek het ook met die twee persone gaan gesels wie vir Liefie die beste ken, sy ouers, en tot die besef gekom – mense wys en gee liefde op verskillende maniere, en my manier is nie noodwendig die enigste of die regte manier nie! Ernstige WAKE UP CALL!! Eish!!

Skoonsus het my van hierdie boek vertel en ek het hom nou maar eers begin lees! Ek is nie een vir selfhelpboeke nie, maar ek het geweldige respek vir Sielkundiges, Psigiaters en Huwelikberaders en luister graag na hul raad! Gary Chapman is ‘n baie bekende huweliksberader.

Ek wil so graag die volgende stukkie uit die boek met julle deel…dalk sal dit julle motiveer om self die boek aan te skaf, en so bietjie moeite in te sit om jou huwelik ook te MAAK werk, deur net met ‘n ander oog na jou partner se maniere en geite te kyk!! Omdat jy KAN, en omdat jy dit graag vir jou lewensmaat WIL doen!

Making Marriage Work: It doesn’t have to feel like a chore

Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in “English”, if your spouse understands only “Chinese”, you will never understand how to love each other.

Marriage Myth: Married life is unhappy life.

Fact: Studies show that married people have better emotional and physical health, longer lives, greater sexual satisfaction, greater incomes, and more accumulated wealth.
   
The Five Love Languages

Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. However, there may be numerous dialects. The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.

Communicating love isn’t as easy as feeling “in love,” because it’s quite a different thing. Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice. It’s effortless. One who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. If the euphoric pleasure of being “in love” never ended, we might never experience true love and meaningful communication.

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. Most of us do many things each day that do not come “naturally” for us. For some of us, that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings and get out of bed because we believe there is something worthwhile to do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we feel good about having gotten up. Our actions preceded our emotions.

The same is true with love. We discover the primary love language of our spouse, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for us. You might not love the language itself, but speaking it will clearly communicate love to your spouse.

Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.

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