…rules of life…

Posted: Februarie 28, 2007 in Uncategorized

Rules of Life to Seriously Consider

1.    Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2.    Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3.    Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in  a garage makes you a car.

4.    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5.    If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6.    My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7.    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8.    A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

9.    For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10.    If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11.    Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12.    A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13.    Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14.    Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15.    No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16.    A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17.    Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18.    Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19.    Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20.    There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21.    Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22.    By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23.    Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24.    Someone  who  thinks  logically provides  a nice contrast to the real world.

25.    It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26.    If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,  and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

27.   There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness

28.   People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29.   You should not confuse your career with your life.

30.   Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31.   Never lick a steak knife.

32.  The most destructive force in the universe is gossip

33.  You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why  we observe daylight savings time.

34.  You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are
above average drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.

Dis my 2c vir vandag! Dankie JIM!!

Kommentaar
  1. Rounelle sê:

    Dankie vir vanoggend – waardeer dit baie! Lekker dag vir jou. x

  2. h0ney sê:

    Dankie vir die smile op die donker dag!!

    Lekker dag!😀

  3. Wow! Die blog lyk baie goed. Ek glo aan die gebalanseerde dieet en die skinder ding is my motto. Maar partykeer moet ek net….. ek het nog een uistaande sessie waarvan ek weet. hehe. Lekker werk – sien uit na die 8ste….. as jou beer ja sê. J

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